Morgan BellTop Ten MOST FUN Film Villains
April 10th 2008 15:10
They are as outrageous as they are diabolical . . . they make being evil oh so fun . . . they are the film villains i wish i could be . . . because they just have so much fun!
1. Labyrinth (1986) with David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King
. . . hes so uncompromising sitting back in his goblin city taunting a teenage girl as she attempts to navigate an impossible maze to rescue her baby brother (whom Jareth stole so her could sing a few songs, throw the baby in the air and change him into a goblin). Jareth has cool boots at tights and the most elaborate hair and makeup ever seen on a man, the goblins worship him, he can fast-forward time, he can shape-shift into an owl, he can do magic and see things in crystal balls, he defies gravity . . . and when hes confronted he claims all his sadistic game-playing was actually love and generousity . . . i love how he can never remember hoggles name and threatens to throw people into the bog of eternal stench as punishment . . . he is all-powerful and the god of his own little world . . . he has ALOT of fun!
2. Charlies Angels (2000) with Sam Rockwell as Eric Knox
. . . he is so incredibly cool, he fakes his own kidnapping to fool the angels into working for him, seduces one of them, and then the moment it is revealed that he is really the bad guy he has a 180 degree personality change . . . suddenly hes wearing all black, slurping on a can of coca cola, smoking a ciggie, doing some smooth dance moves, and generally looking like the cat who got the cream . . . from adorable to sleazy in 12 stereotypical steps . . . he takes a little time out from his dancing to throw someone out a window and torment hostages . . . all while looking incredibly smug and slick . . . i thinking its really all about the evil dancing!
3. Dangerous Liaisons (1988) with Glenn Close as Marquise Isabelle de Merteuil
. . . long before Sarah Michelle Gellar modernised the character in Cruel Intentions with some drug abuse and a lesbian kiss, Glenn Close (a decidedly evil actress) played the most conniving and manipulative woman the world had ever seen . . . somewhat pissed off at being a second class citizen due to being a woman she shoots venom at any man she comes across . . . she is a french aristocrat using and abusing her friends and foes, ruining reputations, spreading lies, orchastrating tragedy and disaster, and breaking hearts . . . she is cold and devious in her plotting and mind-games . . . shes two-faced, charming, and should never be trusted . . . she is a boring rich woman with an axe to grind . . . is there anything scarier?
4. Kill Bill: Vol 1 (2003) & Vol 2 (2004) with Darryl Hannah as Elle Driver, AKA California Mountain Snake
. . . for me its all about the eye patch and the whistling of the creepy song down the corridor of the hospital . . . shes a deadly assassin, shes lost an eye, she has a problem with authority, and shes green with envy over her rival . . . a woman with the body of a supermodel and long flowing blond hair but a taste for blood . . . killing is a sport and shes both creative and ruthless . . . shes desperate for Bills approval and will destroy anything that gets in her way . . . a battle-hardened survivor with a really mean streak . . . she is the most sassy ruthless killer ive ever seen!
5. Little Nicky (2000) with Rhys Ifans as Adrian (son of Satan)
. . . sitting on top of a mailbox, his long extravagant coat drapes down to the ground, he sips on peppermint schapps and eats a pizza slice, he throws his head back and laughs his evil laugh . . . this has to be one of the most diabolical images ever filmed . . . blonde and slight of frame, he is very very naughty . . . but i guess considering who his dad was he was never going to play nice . . . he is all about trickery and excess and is obsessed with obtaining power in hell . . . he is very flamboyant, has many powers of the immortal, and basically is the most fashionable devil ive ever seen . . . he would be alot of fun at a party!
6. In Dreams (1999) with Robert Downey Jnr as Vivien Thompson
. . . gender bending, mentally unbalanced, and long glorious hair . . . this guy kidnaps children and has a psychic connection with one of the mothers, all he really wants in to create the perfect family that he never had, but he really has a screw loose . . . abused as a child by his mother and trapped in a house when his town was flooded to create a dam, he is locked up in a mental institute until he escapes by impersonating a girl in a nurses uniform . . . he is the psycho-killer who is all personality . . . the crazy girlie boy who you just want to hug . . . and maybe braid his hair!
7. Clay Pigeons (1998) with Vince Vaughn as Lester Long
. . . the smiling killer in the cowboy hat who only one man sees and only one mans knows he even exists, and that man is getting framed . . . Lester enjoys killing and he gets away with it by having a scapegoat and having an identity than doesnt really exist . . . hes confident with the ladies and a killer in the bedroom . . . he has an evil laugh and likes to taunt and issue threats and ultimatums . . . he will smile to your face while stabbing you in the back . . . hes having fun even if the victims arent!
8. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) with Alan Rickman as The Sheriff of Nottingham
. . . the frustrated bad guy trying to usurp the kings throne while hes away and being challenged at every turn by that pesky robin hood . . . hes vain, hes corrupt, hes power-hungry, and his plans are falling apart . . . his main interests are molesting young maidens, yelling at his incompetant grovelling servants, and trying to bully maid marion into marrying him . . . oh and ordering the destruction of local villages . . . hes doing so many bad things but cant quite figure out where its all going on . . . he has a gnarly old witch as a companion, threatens to cut robins heart out with a spoon, has the most absurd forced nuptuals and attempted non-consensual consumation, and he gets to make ridiculous statements like "Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas" . . . one of historys greatest villains being bad and loving it!
9. Zoolander (2001) with Will Ferell as Mugatu
. . . in the super fabulous parody of the fashion industry Mugatu is the all pwerful and intimidating ruler of the catwalks and magazines . . . but hes pure evil conspiring in a plot to kill the president of Malaysia so he can continue having his designs stitched by child labour in Malaysian sweatshops . . . Mugatu throws hot coffee on his assistant when there is too much froth, he screams at anorexic models for being too fat, he is unreasonable and eccentric and has a dodgy past in designing keyboard patterned ties . . . and he constantly wears a male corset . . . he recruits stupid male models to unknowingly perform his dirty work . . . he creates his own pro-child-labour brain-washing videos and runs his own hypnotising and mind conditioning clinic (beauty spa) . . . he is extremely highly strung and shreeks rather than speaking and is prone to unpredictable outbursts . . . hes a diva, a crazy fabulous diva who may be taking crazy pills!
10. Death Becomes Her (1992) with Meryl Streep as Madeline Ashton
. . . vain, pretentious, mean, spiteful and petty . . . she white-trash turned B-grade actor and her looks are fading as she ages so she seduces a plactic surgeon that was due to marry her best friend . . . shes a minx and a man-eater . . . ladies lock up your husbands . . . she is absolutely obsessed with youth and her looks . . . shes competitive and nasty, and a devil with a shotgun . . . the way she berrates her husband is demeaning and humiliating, but she gets all the killer lines . . . oh and her head twists all the way around . . . shes a classic A-grade bitch!
. . . hes so uncompromising sitting back in his goblin city taunting a teenage girl as she attempts to navigate an impossible maze to rescue her baby brother (whom Jareth stole so her could sing a few songs, throw the baby in the air and change him into a goblin). Jareth has cool boots at tights and the most elaborate hair and makeup ever seen on a man, the goblins worship him, he can fast-forward time, he can shape-shift into an owl, he can do magic and see things in crystal balls, he defies gravity . . . and when hes confronted he claims all his sadistic game-playing was actually love and generousity . . . i love how he can never remember hoggles name and threatens to throw people into the bog of eternal stench as punishment . . . he is all-powerful and the god of his own little world . . . he has ALOT of fun!
. . . long before Sarah Michelle Gellar modernised the character in Cruel Intentions with some drug abuse and a lesbian kiss, Glenn Close (a decidedly evil actress) played the most conniving and manipulative woman the world had ever seen . . . somewhat pissed off at being a second class citizen due to being a woman she shoots venom at any man she comes across . . . she is a french aristocrat using and abusing her friends and foes, ruining reputations, spreading lies, orchastrating tragedy and disaster, and breaking hearts . . . she is cold and devious in her plotting and mind-games . . . shes two-faced, charming, and should never be trusted . . . she is a boring rich woman with an axe to grind . . . is there anything scarier?
. . . for me its all about the eye patch and the whistling of the creepy song down the corridor of the hospital . . . shes a deadly assassin, shes lost an eye, she has a problem with authority, and shes green with envy over her rival . . . a woman with the body of a supermodel and long flowing blond hair but a taste for blood . . . killing is a sport and shes both creative and ruthless . . . shes desperate for Bills approval and will destroy anything that gets in her way . . . a battle-hardened survivor with a really mean streak . . . she is the most sassy ruthless killer ive ever seen!
. . . sitting on top of a mailbox, his long extravagant coat drapes down to the ground, he sips on peppermint schapps and eats a pizza slice, he throws his head back and laughs his evil laugh . . . this has to be one of the most diabolical images ever filmed . . . blonde and slight of frame, he is very very naughty . . . but i guess considering who his dad was he was never going to play nice . . . he is all about trickery and excess and is obsessed with obtaining power in hell . . . he is very flamboyant, has many powers of the immortal, and basically is the most fashionable devil ive ever seen . . . he would be alot of fun at a party!
. . . gender bending, mentally unbalanced, and long glorious hair . . . this guy kidnaps children and has a psychic connection with one of the mothers, all he really wants in to create the perfect family that he never had, but he really has a screw loose . . . abused as a child by his mother and trapped in a house when his town was flooded to create a dam, he is locked up in a mental institute until he escapes by impersonating a girl in a nurses uniform . . . he is the psycho-killer who is all personality . . . the crazy girlie boy who you just want to hug . . . and maybe braid his hair!
. . . the smiling killer in the cowboy hat who only one man sees and only one mans knows he even exists, and that man is getting framed . . . Lester enjoys killing and he gets away with it by having a scapegoat and having an identity than doesnt really exist . . . hes confident with the ladies and a killer in the bedroom . . . he has an evil laugh and likes to taunt and issue threats and ultimatums . . . he will smile to your face while stabbing you in the back . . . hes having fun even if the victims arent!
. . . the frustrated bad guy trying to usurp the kings throne while hes away and being challenged at every turn by that pesky robin hood . . . hes vain, hes corrupt, hes power-hungry, and his plans are falling apart . . . his main interests are molesting young maidens, yelling at his incompetant grovelling servants, and trying to bully maid marion into marrying him . . . oh and ordering the destruction of local villages . . . hes doing so many bad things but cant quite figure out where its all going on . . . he has a gnarly old witch as a companion, threatens to cut robins heart out with a spoon, has the most absurd forced nuptuals and attempted non-consensual consumation, and he gets to make ridiculous statements like "Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas" . . . one of historys greatest villains being bad and loving it!
. . . in the super fabulous parody of the fashion industry Mugatu is the all pwerful and intimidating ruler of the catwalks and magazines . . . but hes pure evil conspiring in a plot to kill the president of Malaysia so he can continue having his designs stitched by child labour in Malaysian sweatshops . . . Mugatu throws hot coffee on his assistant when there is too much froth, he screams at anorexic models for being too fat, he is unreasonable and eccentric and has a dodgy past in designing keyboard patterned ties . . . and he constantly wears a male corset . . . he recruits stupid male models to unknowingly perform his dirty work . . . he creates his own pro-child-labour brain-washing videos and runs his own hypnotising and mind conditioning clinic (beauty spa) . . . he is extremely highly strung and shreeks rather than speaking and is prone to unpredictable outbursts . . . hes a diva, a crazy fabulous diva who may be taking crazy pills!
. . . vain, pretentious, mean, spiteful and petty . . . she white-trash turned B-grade actor and her looks are fading as she ages so she seduces a plactic surgeon that was due to marry her best friend . . . shes a minx and a man-eater . . . ladies lock up your husbands . . . she is absolutely obsessed with youth and her looks . . . shes competitive and nasty, and a devil with a shotgun . . . the way she berrates her husband is demeaning and humiliating, but she gets all the killer lines . . . oh and her head twists all the way around . . . shes a classic A-grade bitch!
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Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Might I add Vizzini (played by Wallace Shawn) from The Princess Bride?
Comment by Morgan Bell
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thats an excellent suggestion! and of course dr evil from austen powers . . . im sure theres enough fun villains to make a top hundred lol
Comment by Cibbuano
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Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Morgan Bell
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yes gary oldman! sci-fi villains are usually very cool!
they probably deserve a whole list of their own . . . hmmm maybe thats a good idea . . .
Comment by mr_tza
Guru of Film
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i like how some actors like rickman and oldman are just regular bad guys . . . i think glenn close is a serial evil woman!
oh christian slater in heathers, that a good one! although i think all the characters in that movie are evil! haha
Comment by Nomad
Awesome Food
Alan Ford as Brick Top in Snatch...
"If I throw a dog a bone, I dont wanna know if it tastes good or not"
Nomad
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Luke
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Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by Morgan Bell
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id party with anyone in tights full stop . . . jareth is my role model!
Comment by Jason King
Salty Popcorn
What about Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns -Meeeyooww.
Dennis Hopper in Waterworld, and Danny DeVito in Batman Returns was disgustingly cool. Nice article Morgan. Will have to stalk you more.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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catwoman was cool but penguin was so repulsive . . . dennis hopper was having alot of fun in waterworld . . . i like all these suggestions!