Morgan Bell
Kynaston
REVIEW: Paranormal Activity
December 8th 2009 17:31
Summary: Worst movie EVER. I want a refund.
Directed & Written: Oren Peli
Starring: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs
Paranormal Activity is not scary, it is possibly the least scary "scary movie" I have ever seen. I was surprised to see the IMDB list the running time as 86 minutes, because it felt like five hours. An expanse of excruciating tedium spliced with a few pedestrian plot points.
In the cinema I was literally hunched over the seat in front of me with my chin on my hands wondering when it was going to end. I was willing the film to end. End or have something happen. Nothing happens. Well, nothing even slightly interesting happens until the last two minutes. Paranormal Activity felt like it was once a moderately interesting short film which was padded out with unwitty banter and snooze-worthy exorcist cliches. I imagined a cliche insertion team being employed before cinema release with the director shouting: "I don't just want uneventful, I want unoriginal!"
Before penning this review I looked over what other critics found to like about this film. Apparently it is so scary people are leaving the theatres out of fear. Ah no, those people were leaving out of boredom. I felt so inclined my self. It was so unengaging I was becoming aware of the cinema seats and carpet and the gradient of the floor.
Worse acting than The Cube. Hammy and unconvincing. There is no atmosphere, no context, no character development. I have seen YouTube skits with more convincing characters. Was it filmed out of sequence? Because the characters seemed to fluctuate between being at their wits end to being not very worried at all. There is no tension building. Therefore it is not frightening. It looks like a draft student film project before final edit.
I actually can't believe this film is screening at cinemas. Whoever is marketing this film deserves some sort of award. This film will not scare the average thinking person. Its only appeal is for people who genuinely believe in ghosts and hauntings. It is for the superstitious and the devoutly religious. The rest of us are unimpressed, checking our watches, and pondering why Katie is wearing a bra to bed.
The only scary thing about Paranormal Activity is the amount of people handing over their cash to see it.
SPOILERS BELOW
Specific yawns and groans:
Clutching a cross in a bloodied hand when there had been no former mention of the character's faith. Why does the presence of a ghost (sorry, demon) cause instant Catholicism in the victim?
Spinning the camera around and around to hammer home the footage is amateur. Because layman (non-cinematographers/directo rs) are incapable of holding a camera straight or steady. How many home videos do you have where the camera is rolling around on the floor or upside down? None, right? The character holding the camera supposedly has a history of filming and loves gadgets and technology. So why are we feeling sea-sick?
Not another satanic voice modulation to signify possession.
Not another Samara from The Ring ending.
A ouija board? Really?
Worst acting EVER award goes to Mark Fredrichs as the psychic. Move over Wahlberg, Diaz, Kidman, you have some new competition: an extra from The Bold & The Beautiful (I'm not joking).
Directed & Written: Oren Peli
Starring: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs
Paranormal Activity is not scary, it is possibly the least scary "scary movie" I have ever seen. I was surprised to see the IMDB list the running time as 86 minutes, because it felt like five hours. An expanse of excruciating tedium spliced with a few pedestrian plot points.
In the cinema I was literally hunched over the seat in front of me with my chin on my hands wondering when it was going to end. I was willing the film to end. End or have something happen. Nothing happens. Well, nothing even slightly interesting happens until the last two minutes. Paranormal Activity felt like it was once a moderately interesting short film which was padded out with unwitty banter and snooze-worthy exorcist cliches. I imagined a cliche insertion team being employed before cinema release with the director shouting: "I don't just want uneventful, I want unoriginal!"
Before penning this review I looked over what other critics found to like about this film. Apparently it is so scary people are leaving the theatres out of fear. Ah no, those people were leaving out of boredom. I felt so inclined my self. It was so unengaging I was becoming aware of the cinema seats and carpet and the gradient of the floor.
Worse acting than The Cube. Hammy and unconvincing. There is no atmosphere, no context, no character development. I have seen YouTube skits with more convincing characters. Was it filmed out of sequence? Because the characters seemed to fluctuate between being at their wits end to being not very worried at all. There is no tension building. Therefore it is not frightening. It looks like a draft student film project before final edit.
I actually can't believe this film is screening at cinemas. Whoever is marketing this film deserves some sort of award. This film will not scare the average thinking person. Its only appeal is for people who genuinely believe in ghosts and hauntings. It is for the superstitious and the devoutly religious. The rest of us are unimpressed, checking our watches, and pondering why Katie is wearing a bra to bed.
The only scary thing about Paranormal Activity is the amount of people handing over their cash to see it.
Katie (and her bra) in Paranormal Activity
SPOILERS BELOW
Specific yawns and groans:
Clutching a cross in a bloodied hand when there had been no former mention of the character's faith. Why does the presence of a ghost (sorry, demon) cause instant Catholicism in the victim?
Spinning the camera around and around to hammer home the footage is amateur. Because layman (non-cinematographers/directo rs) are incapable of holding a camera straight or steady. How many home videos do you have where the camera is rolling around on the floor or upside down? None, right? The character holding the camera supposedly has a history of filming and loves gadgets and technology. So why are we feeling sea-sick?
Not another satanic voice modulation to signify possession.
Not another Samara from The Ring ending.
A ouija board? Really?
Worst acting EVER award goes to Mark Fredrichs as the psychic. Move over Wahlberg, Diaz, Kidman, you have some new competition: an extra from The Bold & The Beautiful (I'm not joking).
The new bad-acting Mark: bold and (not so) beautiful
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Comment by RubySoho
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And I cracked up when he gave Katie the card for the "demonologist".
Comment by Morgan Bell
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haha take the to a demonologist, as Shakespeare would say
and they had the gaul to call the psychic and the demonologist "doctors" puhleeease
i am absolutely mind-boggled as to how anyone could be frightened by this movie, i can only assume they are the kind of people that get spooked by shoes on the table and open umbrellas inside
Comment by Bryn
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Comment by RubySoho
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Paranormal Activity gets a big fail for its "oh it was all just random" explanation which I am sorry is only one small step above "i woke up and it was all a dream".
Fail.
Comment by Bryn
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So Morgan if you are mind-boggled at how people can be frightened by the movie ... Have you ever been frightened by a movie? If so, what movie?
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i did read your review, but i had a very different experience, it completely fell flat with me, my main gripe (if i could narrow it to just one) was the badly executed timing which resulted in a complete lack of scariness
CLICKHERE to read Bryn's more favourable review on Horrorphile
hi Ruby,
epic fail on the writing, it was a convoluted badly structured regurgitation of every well worn fright device in the genre
im surprised a hand didnt shoot up from a recently filled grave at the end
also, they seemed to be working on the assumption that modern people in bland western suburbia are frightened simply by being in their own homes, Blair Witch was scary because the bush at night is inherently scary, isolation is scary, being lost or in the unfamiliar is scary, but present day domestic settings? no
Comment by RubySoho
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Bryn, i know the film didn't fail commercially. but i do think it fails as a story. also the random thing? it's in the film. Micah tells Katie that the demon chose her randomly, for no apparent reason, it just picked her out of any one else it could have attached itself to. once again i repeat, it chose Katie for NO APPARENT REASON.
That really annoyed me. I'm a writer, i know how hard it is but jebus, is that really the best he could do?
Comment by Morgan Bell
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The Others frightened me, I was on the edge of my seat, the fog was particularly unsettling, the uncertainty of what was real and what was imagined
The Sixth Sense was very frightening the first time, once again mostly due to the uncertainty, but also incredible camera techniques drawing you in and making you jump
i jump quite easily, i jumped recently in Zombieland, which was essentially a comedy, but Paranormal Activity just didnt have me jumping
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
cheers for the link, it wasn't necessary, but I sppreciate it.
Y'see I still beg to differ ... It wasn't the domestic setting that was scary ... it was the poltergeist ... arguably the most convincing documentation of any kind of ghost experience has been poltergeist recordings. In many respects I find the paranormal activity in Paranormal Activity more frightening than Blair Witch because the blair witch was the spectre of an actual witch; easily more far-fetched. I will agree though that moans in a dark forest at night is enough to give anyone the heebie-jeebies.
Perhaps at the end of the day what I'm actually defensive about is my frustration over the marketing of Paranormal Activity.
I don't have a problem with the movie's structure, well not enough of one for it to ruin my experience of it. What I do have a problem is plastering superlatives from critics all over the poster and throughout the trailers telling you it's the scariest movie ever. This is a movie that should've had no publicity whatsoever, only word of mouth, no trailer, no poster, no radio spots, nothing. just as the movie itself has no opening or closing credits, only an editor's credit (which is the director). Some people think that's a con job, but I think it's a fantastic conceit. Just cos Blair Witch did it, doesn't mean someone else can't do it too. You may accuse the screenwriter/director of being lazy, but it means you can focus the energy of the movie into the "reality" of the narrative, which of course will be banal in places, it will be irritating in places, but it will also have moments of brilliance that transcend its trappings. Blair Witch was all those, just in a different setting.
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
The Sixth Sense really annoyed me; I didn't like any of the characters (or actors for that matter). The twist was kinda novel, but I saw it coming.
So you see, each to their own, regardless of writing or direction.
Ruby, okay so Micah tells Katie the demon chose her at random ... I forgot that detail, it's been six months since I saw it. I guess I'm just a jaded horror fan who relishes any movie that can make me jump, have me genuinely dreading the proceedings as they intensify, and that's what the cinema experience was for me. I saw it with a theatre full of people (Film Festival back in June), none of whom knew anything about the movie ... I'm glad I saw it that way.
Comment by RubySoho
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Truthfully, I actually scare quite easily. The fact that this didn't scare me surprised the hell out of me.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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in this case i found the lack of continuity and sluggish script to be distracting to the point where you could not suspend reality, and without atmosphere all youve really got is a couple of actors reading lines and a fan blowing the sheets off the bed
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
It's all in the fickle nature of human aesthetics and personal sensibilities ... Which is why movies are such rich fodder for conversation.
One person's high art is another's deep trash. 'Nuff said.
Comment by JESUS
What's Love?
The thing I am finding about this movie is that some people, like yourself, do not embrace the true cinematic experience. If you think your getting bored, you will be bored.
I will admit the first 45 mins were shit boring, but I held in there, I knew it would get better. I was lucky enough to see an advanced preview screening with media only employees and film buffs, we had total silence and an atmosphere brewing in that cinema that was real and frigtening.
I have NEVER been so freaked out in my life, and my entire cinema left in silence, it really got to us.
Clearly, this is your opinion, and its valid , but I really feel that if you dont find such a movie unnerving at the very least then the environment has ruined it for you, or your mind simply was not in the appropriate frame to embrace the fear inside.
Anywho, glad u saw it, power to the small budget horror flicks, SUCK ON THAT TWI HARDS!
Comment by JESUS
What's Love?
you were frightened by Sixth Sense and The Others!!!!!!
I dont know how to write this without sounding insulting, but that is lame! If you were frightened by them and not by Paranormal then perhaps your horror sense is very differently tunned indeed!
Does this mean your sense of humour is also different? What movies do you find funny?
Comment by Morgan Bell
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the dragging down the hall bit just wasnt scary to me, although i will give you that it was one of the few interesting scenes, it just resolved so quickly, she gets dragged off, no time for suspense to build, he promptly goes down the hall and gets her and brings her back, cut to next day he is being sarcastic saying "you dont want to be dragged down the hall again do you?"
the actors just arent conveying fear with their performances, and the director dampens down all his potentially scary effects by chopping around too much, too slow in the irrelevant bits, too quick in the critical bits
polarising movies are always the best topics for discussion
Comment by Morgan Bell
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do you believe in ghosts or the supernatural?
once i saw the ending of Paranormal Activity i realised i could have saved myself 85 min 38 seconds and just watched this old viral YouTube that did the rounds a few years ago:
Comment by RubySoho
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That question is open to anyone else who has seen the three films.
For the record, i say
1. REC
2. Blair Witch.
333. Paranormal Activity.
Comment by RubySoho
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Sorry I know I keep going on about it but Jesus, that film freaked me out.
I'm surprised that Paranormal didn't because a few years ago I used to have really bad nightmares where I dreamed I was being attacked by ghosts (demons?) in my sleep. They went on every night for almost a year and it was always the same. i'd feel something breathe on me, press into my chest and try to choke me. Then I'd wake up in the exact same position I was in while asleep. It got to the point where I didn't know when I was awake and when I was asleep. I slept with the light on, the radio on, I even tried to stay up all night, but I always fell asleep and I always had those dreams.
I finally trained myself to will myself awake as soon as the nightmare started. And of course I'd wake up in the same position I was in in my dream. Anyway, i thought Paranormal would scare the shit out of me by bringing back those dreams or at least the fear i felt in those dreams...but nope nothing.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i havent seen [REC] or its remake/sequels yet, but ill do a little shortlist from most scary to least scary based on how much i was drawn in and how much i jumped
1. The Others
2. The Sixth Sense
3. The Descent
4. The Cell
4. Arachnophobia
5. The Ring
4. The Strangers
5. When A Stranger Calls
6. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
7. House of Wax
8. Silence of the Lambs
...
500. Amityville Horror
501. The Astronaut's Wife
502. Buffy The Vampire Slayer
503. Ghost Busters
504: The Devils Advocate
...
996. Twilight
997. End of Days
998. Stigmata
999. The Exorcist
1000. Paranormal Activity
nb: assume the most recent western remake if there are multiple versions
i think im much more scared of the possibility of actual people in the house or descent into madness than the suggestion of ghosts
Comment by JESUS
What's Love?
However, the very fact that you put "house of wax" a film made solely to promote paris hilton as number seven on your most scary film list just voids any taste you ever had towards horror films.
I almost feel as if you are being sarcastic, really, house of wax?
At least we agree on one thing, twilight belongs at the bottom!
Ruby, REC was a brilliant horror film, genuwinely frightening and I do notice similiarities between it and paranormal activity, however I still believe paranormal activity is superior in terms of atmosphere and scares.
If I had to list I would do 1. Paranormal, 2. REC, 3. Blair Witch and throw into the list The Descent which morgan and I both agree on surprisingly
Comment by Morgan Bell
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you feel as though im being sarcastic, really, being sarcastic?
wherever would you get such an idea?
if Twilight included a scene cutting off finger tips with tin snips it may have rated higher, or maybe if it intended to be scary in any way
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
I really enjoyed [REC] and I actually - and was surprised - really enjoyed the Hollywood remake Quarantine. The last ten or so minutes was the scariest part, but I wasn't as unnerved as much as by Paranormal Activity, or prior to that Blair Witch.
The story of Paranormal Activity wasn't important to me. I knew that much going in to the movie, that it was going to be similar to Blair Witch: found footage, edited together. It was going to be an experience that intensifies as it goes along.
[REC] is a little more complex in that it involves multiple characters. It is still essentially found footage though. Perhaps I'm more de-sensitized to the zombie/undead, whereas I've always been wary of the possibility of poltergeist, and spectres, so I was probably more "prone" to Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity.
All three (four, if you include Quarantine) movies are very well made. As far as raw experience goes I was most freaked out by Paranormal, then Blair Witch, then [REC]. I'll be curious to see which of the three/four movies I still find great in another ten years. Blair Witch is a decade old and that holds up well, so perhaps that's actually the best of the three ...
Morgan,
Tis curious then that we both rate The Descent highly. There's not an awful lot of plot mechanics going on there ... I like the remake The Ring, but Ringu is much better, and even better is Ju-on:The Grudge (real scary shit!). I've never seen Arachnaphobia, but I'm very fearful of large hairy spiders .... I thought The Strangers was lame. Really lame script riddled with holes and implausibilities ... Ils (Them) eats The Strangers for breakfast.
The Cell had good production design, and was kinda freaky, but I didn't find it scary.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i actually thought story-wise that The Descent got a bit stupid in the second half once they revealed the creature, but before it turned to gore-fest the suspense was incredible
similarly with The Strangers, i found the ending disappointing, and i also found the intruders to be comical in their motives and methods, but it had some genuine scares in it, silhouettes lurking in shadows and out of focus, i did jump (even though it wasnt a good film)
i wonder if Arachnophobia would still be scary now? i remember barely being able to sit through it as a kid, creepy crawlies . . . ick . . . and they jumped around, to this day when i see a spider i half expect it to jump at me
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
I was really impressed with the cave set in The Descent, I was genuinely marveling at how the crew had filmed the cast down in some real and very claustrophobic cave! Very convincing production design and art direction! I've only seen The Descent once, and it's not knowing that makes it so scary. The sequel won't possess anywhere near the same level of fear because the audience knows what's down there.
Comment by RubySoho
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SPOILER ALERT
Its starts been one thing (crazy old lady) becomes something else (zombies) and finally the denoument (the Catholic Church and demons).
Obviously you need to suspend disbelief in any horror film involving the supernatural or the undead but at least in REC the whole scenario becomes plausible within the world the film has constructed by clearly justifying all that has occurred along the way. I really think that's one of Paranormal's biggest flaws and it's undoing in my eyes. That, and the incredibly unconvincing performances of all the characters, especially Katie. For god's sake if you are only going to populate your film with two actors make sure they are fucking good ones!
Oh and you can't tell me that the image of that naked, demon, monster girl at the end of REC didn't burn itself into your retinas.
Haven't seen Quarantine though I did read your review.
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
What makes us scared is as subjective as what makes us laugh. Horror is the most personal of all the genres, me I enjoyed Paranormal Activity but i stopped being scared in films when i was about 18...shame i envy that you can still get frightened, the most I hope for is excited or challenged.
Comment by Bryn
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