Morgan Bell
Kynaston
The Happening: learn and laugh
October 31st 2008 17:08
I will post a full review on the film "The Happening" in coming days. It was a strange movie.
In the meantime, if you have seen the film I guarentee you will pee your pants laughing at the following list!
The users on IMDB started a thread entitled "100 Things I Learned From 'The Happening' SPOILERS" - I have plucked a list of the really funny ones from their suggestions.
I got so carried away with reading the thread and laughing hysterically that I temporarily forgot what I was going to write about it myself! It is insanely funny! Please enjoy my highlights!
Where To Run
If your wife won't answer the phone, leave your daughter and go look for her. How hard can it be to find one person in Princeton when you have no idea where in town she is?
A botanist who thinks that plants are behind the mass suicides thinks its a good idea to rush back to his greenhouse to get hot dogs
Vast amounts of airborne toxins don't sink into the ground and pollute ground-water.
Plants and huge toxic winds pay attention to state lines
Make sure that when after hearing a girl that you told on the phone to get away from the tree and then she kills herself for all to hear (because it is the plants) to go and sit in remorse in the middle of a bunch of weeds on the side of the road.
If safety is ninety miles away and you are in a car, don't drive past the dead bodies, walk through a field.
When you need to be in smaller groups make sure that you let two strange kids hang with you. You will probably need them to take a bullet for you.
Wind exists only in small, isolated patches. With determination, one may be able to run ahead of it.
The Lion
Lions now bring down prey by biting their arms off.
If you want to get mauled to death by a lion, make friends with it first.
When a lion sniffs your arm it will fall off
A trained lion will eat you for no reason as soon as you feel suicidal
The Jeep
Besides a little tear in the canopy, canvass-topped Jeeps are otherwise airtight.
Ramming a jeep into a tree will kill everyone in the back seat too.
The Model Home
Even if a glass is filled with coloured plastic and you reference that fact later in the scene you should still pretend to drink from it.
Model homes have working plumbing.
The First Psycho House
If trees are the killers please play around with them, using the swing.
If someone isn't sure whether or not you are evil, just sing "Black Water" by The Doobie Brothers.
If you are afraid of the toxic air, board up your house and leave some space in the windows in case you wanna be seen wandering through the house and shoot somebody. And open your door to do so as well.
If armed men barricade themselves in their home and refuse to feed you, kick the door and taunt them until they shoot you.
If a crazy man shoots the two kids, don't run, shake them and make sure they're dead.
After a black kid gets shot to death, tell him "we're going to get out of this nightmare." Maybe, he'll respond!
The Second Psycho House
Old hermits tend to have large houses with creepy-looking dolls sleeping on their guest beds.
Speaking through 100 feet of underground pipe sounds roughly equivalent to talking on a cell phone.
Sucidal people have the urge to walk backwards a bit before killing themselves
Betty Buckley has bionic ears.
If you invite guests into your home and you feel they are going to kill you in your sleep because they are whispering, don't kick them out or ask them to leave. Go to sleep and hope you wake up the next morning
Old women can magically become dolls. (Mark Whalberg, looking for the old lady, walks into a room and doesn't find her, but continues to head for a porcelain doll on the bed and say "Mrs. Jones?")
Suicide
Toxins can help you keep coherent enough to set up ladders and hang your self from trees.
Apparently losing the self preservation part of the brain means that you actively seek out amusing ways to kill yourself, rather than just giving up and lying down
Intoxicated humans always suicide in the most complicated and hard way. Why just bash your head on the ground, when you can climb ladder, find the good length of rope and hang yourself?
When the self-preservation mode is switched off in your brain, the ability to feel pain goes away as well.
Tractor mowers can cut through anything!
When trying to kill yourself, smashing your head off one wall won't suffice. Instead bang your head continually against various walls and windows ensuring you well ventilate the house.
When you decide to commit suicide by walking in a toxic zone, just to meet your husband, be sure to bring with you the girl you are supposed to protect.
Army privates carry guns with lots of bullets in them.
Randomly Funny
If you want to look for a child sleeping in the car, don't look through the window, open the door.
If you are a high school science teacher and a male student isn't paying attention, it is best to make a homoerotic statement in an effeminate voice and no one in class will mind.
When your daughter is about to commit suicide over the phone, put her on speaker phone for everyone to enjoy.
If a girl finds a radio hanging on a fence, call the man in the relationship over to turn it on and find a working station. Girls are too stupid to turn on radios. Whatever you do, don’t take the radio with you!
When the people on your backseat pretend to have taken the wrong route so that the little child won´t be scared, make sure you mention that it was actually corpses lying on the street so that the child is well-informed.
Boom Mics can be actors too.
In the meantime, if you have seen the film I guarentee you will pee your pants laughing at the following list!
The users on IMDB started a thread entitled "100 Things I Learned From 'The Happening' SPOILERS" - I have plucked a list of the really funny ones from their suggestions.
I got so carried away with reading the thread and laughing hysterically that I temporarily forgot what I was going to write about it myself! It is insanely funny! Please enjoy my highlights!
Where To Run
If your wife won't answer the phone, leave your daughter and go look for her. How hard can it be to find one person in Princeton when you have no idea where in town she is?
A botanist who thinks that plants are behind the mass suicides thinks its a good idea to rush back to his greenhouse to get hot dogs
Vast amounts of airborne toxins don't sink into the ground and pollute ground-water.
Plants and huge toxic winds pay attention to state lines
Make sure that when after hearing a girl that you told on the phone to get away from the tree and then she kills herself for all to hear (because it is the plants) to go and sit in remorse in the middle of a bunch of weeds on the side of the road.
If safety is ninety miles away and you are in a car, don't drive past the dead bodies, walk through a field.
When you need to be in smaller groups make sure that you let two strange kids hang with you. You will probably need them to take a bullet for you.
Wind exists only in small, isolated patches. With determination, one may be able to run ahead of it.
The Lion
Lions now bring down prey by biting their arms off.
If you want to get mauled to death by a lion, make friends with it first.
When a lion sniffs your arm it will fall off
A trained lion will eat you for no reason as soon as you feel suicidal
The Jeep
Besides a little tear in the canopy, canvass-topped Jeeps are otherwise airtight.
Ramming a jeep into a tree will kill everyone in the back seat too.
The Model Home
Even if a glass is filled with coloured plastic and you reference that fact later in the scene you should still pretend to drink from it.
Model homes have working plumbing.
The First Psycho House
If trees are the killers please play around with them, using the swing.
If someone isn't sure whether or not you are evil, just sing "Black Water" by The Doobie Brothers.
If you are afraid of the toxic air, board up your house and leave some space in the windows in case you wanna be seen wandering through the house and shoot somebody. And open your door to do so as well.
If armed men barricade themselves in their home and refuse to feed you, kick the door and taunt them until they shoot you.
If a crazy man shoots the two kids, don't run, shake them and make sure they're dead.
After a black kid gets shot to death, tell him "we're going to get out of this nightmare." Maybe, he'll respond!
The Second Psycho House
Old hermits tend to have large houses with creepy-looking dolls sleeping on their guest beds.
Speaking through 100 feet of underground pipe sounds roughly equivalent to talking on a cell phone.
Sucidal people have the urge to walk backwards a bit before killing themselves
Betty Buckley has bionic ears.
If you invite guests into your home and you feel they are going to kill you in your sleep because they are whispering, don't kick them out or ask them to leave. Go to sleep and hope you wake up the next morning
Old women can magically become dolls. (Mark Whalberg, looking for the old lady, walks into a room and doesn't find her, but continues to head for a porcelain doll on the bed and say "Mrs. Jones?")
Suicide
Toxins can help you keep coherent enough to set up ladders and hang your self from trees.
Apparently losing the self preservation part of the brain means that you actively seek out amusing ways to kill yourself, rather than just giving up and lying down
Intoxicated humans always suicide in the most complicated and hard way. Why just bash your head on the ground, when you can climb ladder, find the good length of rope and hang yourself?
When the self-preservation mode is switched off in your brain, the ability to feel pain goes away as well.
Tractor mowers can cut through anything!
When trying to kill yourself, smashing your head off one wall won't suffice. Instead bang your head continually against various walls and windows ensuring you well ventilate the house.
When you decide to commit suicide by walking in a toxic zone, just to meet your husband, be sure to bring with you the girl you are supposed to protect.
Army privates carry guns with lots of bullets in them.
Randomly Funny
If you want to look for a child sleeping in the car, don't look through the window, open the door.
If you are a high school science teacher and a male student isn't paying attention, it is best to make a homoerotic statement in an effeminate voice and no one in class will mind.
When your daughter is about to commit suicide over the phone, put her on speaker phone for everyone to enjoy.
If a girl finds a radio hanging on a fence, call the man in the relationship over to turn it on and find a working station. Girls are too stupid to turn on radios. Whatever you do, don’t take the radio with you!
When the people on your backseat pretend to have taken the wrong route so that the little child won´t be scared, make sure you mention that it was actually corpses lying on the street so that the child is well-informed.
Boom Mics can be actors too.
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